Knock-knock part 2

So I figure, what've I got to lose? All I need to do is remember some of my old man's favorite gags and to get him started back laughing on the road to recovery. I figure, what could it hurt?
So this grown-up son walks into his father's hospice room, pulls up a chair beside the bed and sits down. The son looks into his old man's pale, dying face and says, "So this blonde gal walks into a neighborhood bar where she's never been before, and she's got tits out to HERE and a tight little heinie and she asks the bartender for a Michelob, and he serves her a Michelob except he sneaks a Mickey Finn into her bottle and this blonde goes unconscious, and every guy in the bar leans her over the edge of the pool table and hikes up her skirt and fucks her, and at closing time they slap her awake and tell her she's got to leave. And every few days this gal with the tits and the ass walks in and asks for a Michelob and gets a Mickey Finn and gets fucked by the crowd until one day she walks in and asks the bartender can he maybe give her a Budweiser instead?"
Granted—I have NOT landed this particular shaggy dog story since I was in the First Grade, but my old man used to love this next part....

Knock-knock! Who's There? Death! The Ultimate Punch Line! part 1

My old man, he makes everything into a Big Joke. What can I say? The old man loves to get a laugh. Growing up, half the time I didn't have a clue what his jokes were about, but I laughed anyways. Down at the barbershop, it didn't matter how many guys my father let take cuts ahead of him in line, he just wanted to sit there all Saturday and crack people up. Make folks bust a gut. For my old man, getting his sideburns trimmed was definitely a low priority.
He says, "Stop me if you've heard this one before...." The way my old man tells it, he walks into the oncologist's office and he says, "After the chemotherapy, will I be able to play the violin?"
In response, the oncologist says, "It's metastasized. You've got six months to live...."
And working his eyebrows like Groucho Marx, tapping the ash from an invisible cigar, my old man says, "Six months?" He says, "I want a second opinion."
So the oncologist, he says, "Okay, you've got cancer and your jokes stink."
So they do chemotherapy, and they give him some radiation like they do even if the shit burns him up so bad on the inside he tells me that taking a piss is like passing razor blades.

A TRIP UNDER THE SEA

If you've always wanted to witness the beauty of the ocean without having to go into the open water then Korean company Raonhaje has exactly what you need. The EGO is what they'd like to call a semi-submarine. It has two floating hulls on its side with decks big enough to allow you to sunbathe,
fish or throw bodies in the water if you're a vigilante serial killer like Dexter Morgan. The interesting thing about the EGO is that it's transparent cabin is located below the water so you can get up close and personal with all those creatures that lurk in the deep. Unlike a real submarine though, the EGO can't dive - thus the 'semi' prefix in front of submarine - so you'll have to shell out a bit more to fulfill any dreams you had of searching for giant squid or finding the resting place of Cthulhu.

Sandisk Sansa Clip

Carrying your iGadget around isn't always a good idea, as it's a perfect target for theft, and, let's be honest, touch screens really aren't meant for rough use. This is where Sandisk's Sansa Clip comes to the fore. It's fits snugly into your palm, and it has a variety of optional versions, that range from 2 GB to 8 GB, with or without radio, and, best of all, some versions have microSD card slots installed. And with 15 hours of battery life to charge up what can be potentially 24 GB of music for just around $100, this survivor of the mp3 wars is the best example of how much value you can pack into the smallest size.

Of course, the controls and the rather small screen will be a challenge to use, but the fact that you can use Windows Media Player to load songs into it is a huge plus. A good suggestion, however, is to pair it with a good set of headphones - preferably either in-ear types or larger low-noise headphones. It's perfect for people who need a small backup player, an athletics rhythm partner or a low-cost mp3 player.

Nikon D7000

For those looking for a Nikon fix but don't want to throw in a lot of cash for the higher models, the Nikon D7000 might be the perfect balance between price and performance.
With logically placed controls and a superior viewfinder system, the design seems to be really built around the idea of maximizing the 16.2 megapixel engine. Heck, it even has 24fps 1080p HD video capability. And to handle that, it has two SDXC-compatible memory card slots, which can be configured to work as backups, data overflow catchers, or even to have each card have different file formats for one photo. And while some would say that a 9-point autofocus system is enough, Nikon goes for gold with a 39-point mode?

Really, the only bad thing about the D7000 is that it does not have the full 1080/30p video mode. While the prices may vary, you
probably somewhere along P50,000 to give this DSLR the proper flash
and lens treatment, complete with camera bag and filters. And yes, we're not talking about light sensitivity and speed,
simply because this DSLR can handle that as a matter of course - just like many Nikon products, the D7000 is at the
very least reliable, and at its best, they are game-changers in the field.

ClickFree C2N Back-up Drive

For all of us who dread the idea of backing our files up, the Clickfree drive literally does all the heavy lifting. All you have to do is attach it to your PC or laptop, and then let the drive run its own tool program set. There are some options you can set, but basically, whatever it can stuff into its memory from your laptop, it will. Even better, it works like the old Windows network programs. The Clickfree drive will also come in handy if you're backing files up for transfer from a Windows XP platform to the new Windows 7 OS. Remember, XP does not have a smooth way of transferring your desktop to the "7," so a backup drive is the best solution to survive the transition.

All you have to do is plug the Clickfree drive into all the computers in your network, and then you'll be able to back up the whole network from one PC. It has some of the best USB 2.0 speeds in town, so you can back everything up in a minimum amount of time. The only bad thing you can say about it is that you had better hope an angry ex won't be able to get it from you. Also, it has no Firewire option. Prices start around $98. There are already terabyte flavors with USB 3.0 capacity, just in case you're wondering.

THOR // Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman

Based on the Marvel comic created and published by Stan Lee in 1962, Thor tells the story of a powerful and arrogant warrior god whose disobedience ignites an ancient w7ar. Because of his insubordination, Thor, played by Chris Hemsworth, is cast out from Asgard and sent to live among humans as a punishment. While on Earth, the main character learns what it means to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain from Asgard sends his men to invade the planet. With an all-star cast that includes Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Rene Russo and Samuel L. Jackson, Thor promises to wow both comic book geeks and fans of the Marvel movie franchise who are waiting for the next movie adaptation of their childhood favorites.